A LOCAL CITIZEN’S GROUP is trying to legally block a Japanese restaurant chain from turning the historic 340-year-old Hog & Snout pub into a sumo theme restaurant complete with sumo ring.     “It’s a crime what they’re doing,” railed an indignant Cyril Twoffley, chief spokesman for the newly formed Preserve Independent Gastronomy Society. “Once the Hog and Snout’s gutted, there won’t be a decent place left in these parts to lift a pint in.”     Twoffley indicated his group will soon mount a public relations campaign to warn local residents of the pitfalls of dining in a sumo atmosphere. “All that gorging and slurping and stamping about—it’ll be a horror show,” he said. “And you won’t catch any self-respecting bloke prancing about in a big diaper, either.”     Osoroshi Saigo, Debu Corporation’s liaison, met with the local press yesterday to summarise his firm’s position. “We’ve studied this district quite closely and feel it is the right place,” he stated. “The people here are obviously well fed, and we are sure that they will find the chanko-nabe stew sumo wrestlers eat appetising—it is full of savoury vegetables mixed with beef, chicken, pork and fish. It goes very well with beer, as any wrestler will tell you.”     As for the sumo ring that will be installed, said Saigo: “Many studies have shown that the British people require more exercise. We simply wish to provide a congenial atmosphere in which to do this.”     According to Saigo, Debu Corporation will import a licensed referee and a stable of young sumo wrestlers to get things rolling.     As a conciliatory gesture, Saigo noted that his company would not change the name of the restaurant, deeming the current moniker, “very appropriate.” Meanwhile, Twoffley and others have vowed to “boycott indefinitely” the refurbished Hog & Snout. HEARTIEST CONGRATULATIONS to the following county residents: K. O’Leary, PCHS R. Snowcross, St. Albans’s P. Stratton, HM W. Tewksbury, King’s College     The above swimmers have all qualified for the regional level of competition in the All-England Endurance Trials. They now join a select group to compete in the Channel Championships next summer.     The event is expected to bring together the best long-distance swimmers from around the world.		TWIMBLEY, the ten-year-old talking parakeet, much beloved by residents, died Tuesday after a long illness common to parakeets.     Nearly the entire village turned out two days later when the small green and yellow bird was laid out beautifully and lovingly in a miniature coffin at Dear Pet Cemetery. Local veterinarian Thomas Hucksdale conducted the memorial service. Several moving eulogies by Twimbley’s neighbors were given.     “We shall miss dear Twimbley—deeply,” said Emma Topham, after placing a garland of white roses round the coffin. “Those who daily passed Twimbley’s window were charmed by his sayings.”     Charmed, perhaps. But many of the bird’s utterances were “a bit salty at times,” said other mourners, though not disapprovingly.     Twimbley reportedly spent his formative years in Liverpool and was raised by a pair of seafaring brothers. As such, the bird learned to talk by mimicking the speech of sailors and dockworkers that frequented the residence, and by imitating nearby parrots in the brothers’ aviary. The Journal regrets that it is unable to print Twimbley’s best-known greeting as it is unsuitable for a family publication. Still, we deeply regret the loss of one of our most illustrious and loquacious citizens. “CRUNCH,” THE BELOVED ROTTWEILER recently abducted in Flogway Down, remains in the hands of his captors, despite dogged attempts by local authorities to locate farmer Nigel Wanton’s handicapped pet.     We’ve hunted the ’nappers high and low, but haven’t found them,” said Chief Constable Thomas O’Bannion at a 10 a.m. press conference held at Rewksbury Station. He promised his officers would be unrelenting in their search.     In addition to Wanton, many local pet lovers have besieged O’Bannion’s office, voicing concerns that Crunch’s seizure may signal a new wave of crimes against canines. His owner, however, says he has more serious worries at the moment: Wanton fears Crunch’s captors may sue him.     “It’s past 48 hours now. I cringe o’er what havoc Crunch’s wreaking in unfamiliar surroundings.” Wanton said. “I’m just back from the courthouse to see if anyone’s filed.”     So far no one has. But Wanton’s fears may be well founded. An hour before press, The Journal received a telephone call from the alleged dognappers, who promised they would soon send a letter outlining their demands.